Today I met with Judy Winslow (http://brightpointeinfo.com/) to talk about, well, all kinds of things.
What I know, what I enjoy doing with my time, where my passions lie.
Where some of my resistances lie.
These past 18 months have been difficult for me, in many ways. My coffee business, METRO Coffee & Wine closed in early Feb, 2008. I had foot surgery after that, then a deconstruction accident (home demolition!) that set me back. Just when I was getting back on my feet again (literally) my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, in September.
Mom died in January of this year -- her death was complicated by a difficult family situation, and my grieving has been just as complicated. Today's big truth for me was - not that I failed to protect her, but that I don't know that she "forgives" me for that. I wanted to take a quick trip to the afterlife to talk to her, to get her assurance.
The shift is that, at some level, I know that Mom, in an omniscient state, understands all that preceded her death; & I am certain that if she could communicate with me, she would make sure that I need not ask her forgiveness - that she loves me & that I did all I could. The shift is for me to forgive myself, forgive the other actors in this family drama, and move on with grace.
What a beautiful photo of your mother. Having lost my mother to liver cancer in March of this year I can relate to your feelings. I also have some family drama unfolding, and have been thinking about my relationships with my siblings a lot lately. I realized just last night that we are not talking as often as we always have, and I think that it's because we are reminded immediately that Mom is not here to talk to anymore. I am going to make a better effort to communicate more frequently, and to be more understanding of their feelings and my own.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your Mom was a good "glue" for you. I'm sorry for her passing.
ReplyDeleteI've never had a lot of contact w/ my sibs -- & I'm craving contact w/ my brothers & their families.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts --